Yesterday was tough. It was super hard not having Andy here to talk Garith through small bumps which were LARGE bumps in his road. Then, not hearing back from Andy last night led to a night and morning of worry. He wasn't here as planned and it ended up he was at a structure fire all night. He was the pump operator and no one was hurt. Thank God.
Without going into details, I am learning LOADS about communication. We have words, but I'm thinking I've underestimated the power of TOUCH and eye contact. I find myself wanting to "fix" hard situations with words. It makes me wonder what would happen if I just hugged Garith or Andy when they are frustrated and would they allow me to? I want to get stern with my voice when Garith or Andy are challenging me, and my physical side wants to lash out. What would happen if I just sat quietly, removed myself from the situation or, again, just surrendered to being held until my anger subsided? Of course, I'm thinking what if I did this all the time, not just when I can't speak. Things that make me go "hmmmm..."
Another thought that occured to me: As a pediatric speech therapist, I'm in the business of anticipating what a child is going to or wants to say. I take it for granted that Andy will naturally be able to put words into my mouth or ask me the right question... or at least want to give it a shot! It's like if he really knew me, he would know what I wanted to say! Logically, that couldn't be further from the truth, but it's what crosses my mind. I'm starting to appreciate that I spend my days giving kids choices and asking them yes/no questions in an effort to make their life less frustrating. Well... after this experience, I'm going to keep doing that! No one wants to sit in silence all day. I'd prefer to hear ALL about you in extreme detail during these days of my own silence.
So yesterday I also faced cashiers and some other adults. Everything goes quiet when I gesture that I can't speak: they start to gesture or whisper or simply say, "oh, ok..." like, no problem, we just won't talk then! Not everyone completely shut down, but most did and it is interesting.
Lastly, if I do happen to call you OR if you call me (which I'd love to hear how you are doing!), here is the code that my sister, Rachel, and I came up with:
one beep= yes
two beeps= no
one raspberry= I love you, you're the best
series of raspberries= laughing
series of lip smacking= gotta go
I've got to still come up for one that means "tell me more." If there's one thing I'm learning, it's that I don't want people to cut their stories so short or stop talking to me so fast!
How can this only be day 3? :)
Love and hugs,
Snow
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You have great insite Snow!! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteI am seriously thinking about trying a day of silence, which seems like nothing when compared to your 2 weeks (a day I am not at work of course they'd be so not thrilled if I didn't talk there) and get a good taste of the challenges your facing and more out of curiosity how I would handle it. I have always enjoyed talking to you, but this blog is sort of like reading your mind..really getting a full description of what you're thinking and feeling. I hope that Andy will take the time to read this blog because I think that he would gain so much from it. It really is amazing how when you can't talk people all of a sudden don't know what to say or how to act. I think Grammie Eastman would have been able to relate with your situation the best..after she lost her voice permanently all of her "friends" slowly disappeared..it's a shame that people don't stop to think that we don't need words all the time to communicate the important things! Snow I love you..keep the posts coming and I will try to get a call out to you soon..so I can catch you up on my life..then when you're able to talk again you will have to do the same to me and I promise to keep my mouth shut and let you talk! Hugs to YOU, Andy, and my special nephew Garith!!
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts on the staying silent and hugging more as a means of communication. Definitely food for thought....
ReplyDeleteBless you, Snow!